Woops a daisy
by Pen Gelly
[Junior
Crime Reporter]
Pi Sigma, the renowned professor at Plant Warfare Laboratories, Inc. was found dead this morning.
Early reports indicate the infamous
Daisy Chain Gang were responsible. 2 dandelions, also believed
to be involved, are also still at large.
A spokesperson from the Strimmers, a specialist and little known division of
Police.com,
told this reporter, "We received a call from an office droid at 06:18 this morning,
alerting us to the prostrate nature of Professor Sigma. We initiated remote control and steered the
droid towards the body. It was immediately apparent that the Professor was... not well. We despatched
our team, who arrived on scene at 06:51. We advanced in standard, 2 by 2 formation, swept the
area, polished the desk and removed 4 used polyurethane cups with the remains of what appeared to
be teafee, although
CrimeLab.com are investigating this further. Medics
pronounced the Professor dead at the scene."
This reporter asked if any leads were being pursued. "Marks upon the neck
suggest the Daisy Chain Gang were involved," the spokesperson said, adding, "The genus
Bellis, when provoked, are known to express violent behaviour, hence their usage in the plant warfare
field. It seems the Professor was the victim of his own research. We also found root-prints near the
automated watering system, indicating that multiple Taraxacum (an asterid dicot genus of the family
Compositae, which include dandelions) were involved. We also found 2 yellow petals clutched in the
Professor's hand, indicating a struggle ensued before he finally succumbed."
The spokesman told this reporter that all available resources were focused on
finding the missing plants, and that anybody seeing either daisies or dandelions should not approach
them, but contact Police.com immediately.
The professor leaves a wife, 8 children and numerous pot plants. The latter
have been taken away by the Strimmers for questioning. The investigation continues.
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