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news muse zine - compiled for alt. world scenario fans by INFOmaniac
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Wessex P.M. speaks
by Bombie Gruberhood Jr Antony Blair, 1st minister of the independent Wessex, Britain's only anarchist state, is demanding public attention - claiming that his legitimate authority is being ignored by the very people that he has been elected to rule, and further undermined by England's central government. Despite a landslide win earlier this year at Wessex's 2nd general election, which saw Blair romp to 'official' victory with a comfortable 85 percent of all ballots cast over the shrove weekend, it cannot have escaped anyone's notice that less than 0.00003 percent of Wessex's registered electorate actually turned out to vote over those 3 long polling days. Blair's manifesto promises and his New Party's robust plan for the future of Wessex met with widespread public indifference and uncomprehendingly blank stares from potential voters, throughout campaigning, and even after the winner's declaration of supremacy. Blair's New Party have got political rhetoric and electioneering down to a fine art now, yet their proud triumph over the Saxony Tories (led by young upstart Alfred Cakeburner), resulted only in an almost universally flagrant disregard of the New Party's power by the Wessex populace. But never mind the Party's inadequate political clout, the actual existence of Blair & Co seems in doubt, to some, and Blair's Party have somehow achieved the status of urban myth (according to one group of teen shoppers interviewed by FAX 21 opinion gatherers at a Winchester hyper-mall). Thus, without any public image of note and with a popularity rating measurable in minus numbers only, Blair is undoubtedly persona non grata in the kingdom he declares his own. New Party proposals to put delinquent schoolchildren on nightshift form a major part of Blair's groundbreaking plans for better 'round-the-clock' use of education facilities, yet this has caused no problems at all for parents making the daily 'school run', because not a single 1 of the private or public schools in Wessex have bothered to adopt the Party's supposedly lawful scheme. Unsurprisingly, Blair has also instituted new 'laws' to make all pocket monies and children's weekly or monthly allowances liable for income tax, and every minor of age 10 and over are now required by law to file annual tax returns with the Wessex revenue office, just like their parents. However, when this reporter tried to contact the Wessex tax collectors, to elicit official comment on this remarkably peculiar situation, all communications were found to be off-line, and the staff are rumoured to be operating a floating casino - at a disreputable location somewhere in the vicinity of Christchurch's free trade zone. Eventually, FAX 21 tracked down Mr Blair for a personal interview, finding him alone - and hiding in shame from his mercenary supporters - at a small but charming Cob Harbour boarding house and hostelry in Lime Regis. It seemed unlikely that any of the region's locals (pop. 4,790) 1 knew of his presence. Uncomfortable, but unrecognisable in ragged campaign sweatshirt, beer-stained denims and corporate trainers, Blair agreed, after persuasive measures suggested by F21 psych profilers, to talk - about realpolitik in Wessex, his bizarrely "innovative" policies, and the shambolic New Party's collapse. During a brisk stroll along the seafront, Blair enjoyed the crisp westerly breeze, and paused only when he realised the blue limestone cliffs (no doubt heaving with many undiscovered fossils) made an ironically appropriate backdrop to his political life. Here's all the important stuff that Blair told this reporter... 1
source: Dept of Guesswork
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First Minister, Antony Blair, wants desperately to be popular -
but the people of Wessex don't give a toss.
Blair ... a suitable case for treatment?
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