No can chew
by Mabel Afton
Birmingham, England
Civic authorities have chosen this once great city to become the 3rd urban district to impose a
blanket ban on sales of chewing gum within its municipal limits. Since the pilot scheme of the early
1990s in colonial Singapore placed a number of "chewing compounds" on the proscribed
substances list, many metropolitan centres have followed suit. A series of fierce campaigns have been
fought throughout Europe to ban the chewing of gum in public places, as the costs of cleaning up the
mess of discards and residue climbed sharply.
Special units of Customs and Excise investigators (colloquially known as 'gumshoes') have been
drafted in to enforce the retail ban, and prevent seating in public places from becoming coated in
the "white tar," as seen in London and Manchester before they instituted a ban.
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Streakers on the Moon
by Remy Giraud
Sector 13, Lunaville
Back in the 1980s, when the bottom fell out of the 'streaking' business, people thought we had seen
the end of the curious nudie-exhibitionist phenomenon. Now, here on the Moon, it's returned. As
scantily clad - or even starkers - Moon folk throw off their clothes and inhibitions, to proudly
display pale flesh to all and sundry in the daring practice of lunatic behaviour, which the space
cops have described as, "irresponsible showing out."
The risky procedure apparently involves locating a pair of opposite facing surface airlocks,
disabling the alarms and safety systems, and recruiting a fearless volunteer willing to strip down to
his or her underwear - or, yes, even naked flesh - and, on a prearranged signal, be ready to leap or
dash between the 2 airlocks over a few of metres of bare lunar dust!
Contrary to popular belief, humans can indeed survive very brief exposure to vacuum, while sustaining
only minor injuries - but, as a senior security officer warned again recently on Lunavision News,
"The risks of this blindly stupid new 'spectator sport' are extreme. I would recommend to those
who are considering such action, that emergency psychiatric help be sought."
So far, Lunaville's Armstrong-Telmano Hospital has treated over 60 cases of vacuum-exposure related
injuries. 5 deaths have been reported, with links to streaking incidents.
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