sphinx ransom - at fax 21

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Sphinx head ransom
by Steve Sneyd

El Giza, Egypt
Following astounding claims that the Sphinx head is a modern fake, the widely derided Professor Wolpet has received backing from an astounding quarter.

Speaking from the safety of an extra-jurisdictional "royal love-nest," Lao Tse Windsor, 1 of many claimants to the throne of Offshore Britain, revealed exclusively to this reporter, "Of course the damn thing's a fake - hasn't anybody ever noticed it's a portrait of my great-great-great-great Grandmother Queen Victoria's lover, John Brown? Experts? Pah!"

[Note to FAX 21 research droid: check number of 'greats' -
none of these self-styled royals can add worth a damn.]

Compare the head of the Sphinx with this portrait of John Brown...

"The resemblance is uncanny," says ancient historian, consultant herbivore and amateur proctologist Dr Selwyn Macramé

Cuddling lissom feelie starlet Lidonia Parvenue till her see-thru spacesuit squeaked, Lao added, "All us Windsors, even those like me that were supposedly illegitimate, knew the secret - the real head was removed by Gordon of Khartoum so the substitution could be made to please the Queen-Empress. I know just where the real head is ... give or take a few dozen metres, what with Lake Aswan changing the landscape so much ... and for a kingdom of my very own - erm, the place they used to call the Isle of Wight will do, I'm not greedy - nor is my lovely queen-to-be here - I'll tell them all just where to look. No messing about, mind. Kingdom 1st, secret after, eh, chuck?"

At time of deadline it has been impossible to confirm or deny this claim, from any of the other Windsor claimants, whose official spokesman (for economy reasons they currently share the same 1) was unavailable, somewhere in southern Egypt, on what was described to me by his answering service as "...an alfresco aqualung, sex 'n' sun holiday."

The World College of Egyptologists here, have called Lao Tse's statement, "amateurish blackmail inspired by that deranged cretin, Wolpet."

Holo ban on jets
by Mabel Afton

The InterNat Aerospace Control have instigated a blanket ban on in-flight holo-shows on American intercontinental and many trans-oceanic flights, while reports of weird hallucinations onboard jets are investigated.

"A few of our frequent fliers have been suffering with interference to their visual augmentation gear," a top INAC official told your reporter. It seems as if the latest hi-tech entertainment systems, recently installed on most long-haul flights to avert bordom for our passengers, are "breaking into the pilots' cyber-sensory feed" ... or whatever all that techno babble means.

I wasn't allowed to interview any of the human pilots affected, for security reasons, but 1 of the android flight crew I spoke to informed me, "Our pilot was monitoring sat-cast weather charts, and suddenly got cut off, and switched into a 3D Dizney computoon."

Teams of teen movie-program hackers are now working, though not especially hard it appears, to isolate the fault, before shows can resume...

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