Nessie on rampage
by Micky Hamil
In scenes of ghastly terror and mass panic, Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, broke out of her holding
pen while on display here on the Isle of Man. Like something out of an old fashioned 'creature
feature' movie, the huge beast smashed through the transparent walls of his cage, and proceeded to
charge through crowds of spectacle-hungry sightseers, before breaching the sea wall and vanishing
into the waters of the Irish Sea.
The 9th wonder of the world had not been fed for nearly 2 days, so when this bonny old lass of
Scotland escaped from captivity, she went on the rampage and several hapless visitors to the Monster
Island theme park (which also showcases Wolf-mama Jackie, Lady Dracolette, and the re-bandaged
Mummy), disappeared in the hullabaloo and were never seen again. Manx police have launched a full
investigation.
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Since being resurrected by a team of Japanese geneticists at a cost of millions - furnished by an
Osaka-based entertainment company, requiring a showcase exhibit for their travelling carnival - from
the remains of a dinosaur found preserved in mud at the bottom of the famous Scottish loch, Nessie
has proved a winning attraction, the world over. This has been a shrewd investment for the orientals,
who pioneered such experimental creations and, until Nessie's escape, the "Original Loch Ness
Monster" was their most successful neo-fauna yet.
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Kurtz killed
by Rikki March
Mystery surrounds the tragic death, last night, of FAX 21's own Waldo Kurtz, GBE - chief
investigative reporter with our system-spanning news and info service since its inception back in
1991.
Waldo Kurtz, in his heyday
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A distinguished and charismatic man, Kurtz was always to be found in the thick of a suspicious
corporate deal, on the trail of a wanted murderer, or uncovering some industrial swindle. Feared
by crooks, courted by police and private detective agencies, he rejected all offers of higher pay
(including numerous bribes from corrupt Euro officials) than the modest earnings from his FAX
21 contract, and he was considered by all, an honest man - yet often ruthless in his dogged
pursuit of the truth.
At the time of his death, Mr Kurtz was returning home after a lengthy period off-world, snooping into
a space megacorp scandal involving escalating violence amongst miners in the asteroid belt. As usual,
the master sleuth refused to file his report by standard encoded transmission from MarsPort. Instead,
he prefered to make no official record of his inquiry into "War in the Belt" until he was
safely back home at FAX 21 HQ.
Sadly, the promised in-depth exposé was lost, along with my esteemed colleague's life, when
the shuttle he was on developed an unprecedented number of structural and engine troubles - which
caused the spacecraft to explode, killing everybody aboard instantly, before any rescue flight could
be launched.
FAX 21 will soon be publishing the great man's professional memoirs,
Unlikely As It Seems... Waldo Kurtz
(available shortly from F21 books)
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