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news muse zine - compiled for alt. world scenario fans by INFOmaniac
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Made from reprocessed waste potatoes irradiated with cobalt-90, artfully blended with over 42
unbranded varieties of pseudo-soya and GM vegetable by-products... Fusion Snacks are
microwaved in our secret recipe of alchemical releasing agents.
Velvet & Acetate ~ crisp fruity patches of soft transparency for that glucose high Newt & Kapok ~ aromatic fluffy irregular Yorkshire reptilian seedpod cartilage Iodine & Glass ~ crunchy mock-pork crackling with tooth-staining ingredient Brick & Ulcer ~ succulent grey blocks of by-products from steroidal stress clinics Quicklime & Feelers ~ caustic citrus-flavoured feathery insect appendages Leather & Mercury ~ chewy metallic black nuggets, guaranteed non-poisonous Whalebone & Cyclops ~ globular orbs with mixed mucous and baleen shards Oak & Shampoo ~ toasted sweet acorn bubbles that help prevent dandruff Chrome & Plasma ~ hot and spicy melange of shiny nut-substitute fumaroles Retort & Failure ~ a singular effervescent ziggurat with peel-resistant layers Hedgehog & Methane ~ spiky coniferous lumps that increase your gas output Sulphur & Ottoman ~ yellow powdered silky ribbed strips with a worsted weft
Ratio & Jasper ~ boiled red microtubules of anti-beryllium in proportional sizes Ylem & Emery ~ abrasive chunks of God's resin-encapsulated nucleogenesis flux Algebra & Velcro ~ sticky axioms and symbols (some packets cannot be opened) Redneck & Grail ~ legendary poached obstinacy, with a free gift in every packet Backlog & Palaver ~ profusely flattered arrears surplus to actual requirements Quixote & Ephemera ~ romanticised mayfly eggs in chivalrous satirical sauce Underdog & Hawksbill ~ subtly inferior polyunsaturated shelled turtle proteins Lupus & Sumo ~ nearly weightless skinned wrestling sustenance (low fat only) Marley & Tarmac ~ wailing reggae roadkill, favourite highway Rastafarian dish Drub & Duvet ~ preheated tender orange dumplings of whipped Dacron (tog #7) Polyp & Cézanne ~ smoked geometric shapes of cubist coral, a French delicacy coming soon...
Ambrosia & Granite deluxe gobstoppers, and Jism & Rouge
Despite the frivolous claims of certain "medical organisations" - there is insufficient
evidence to prove that our inherently nontoxic foodstuffs may cause or exacerbate such conditions
and ailments as jaundice, psychoneuroses, cyanosis, random coincidence, osteoarthritis, quantum
inefficiency, paradoxical sleep, thrombosis, impact ionisation, tubular resonance, myocardial
infarction, haemoglobinaemia, sensory deprivation, infinite attenuation, mongolism, tetanus, semiconductivity,
claustrophobia, unrated impedance, turgescence, or pulmonary embolism.
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Blue Moon hoax?
by Luness Zim A rare lunar phenomenon surprised 100s in the village of Canolon early yesterday morning. Communication modules were flooded with calls from people claiming, "The full moon suddenly turned blue! Right there in front of my eyes!"
Crone Gossard, of the obscure group, voiced the words on recent telecasts: Copper masks moon of blue Gold the coin that turns for you Followers of her community raced to coin vendors to purchase discontinued copper hog-pennies in preparation for the upcoming event. Following the words of the rhyme, copper coins were lifted to obscure the passage of the blue moon from the naked eye. Magnetic fluctuations and a resonating tone plucked the coins from hopeful hands. It is not known at this time if copper coins actually transformed to gold. Merlyn proponents quickly gathered up coins and vanished. Rumours from the financial world link the group to a new loan institute forming under the name Blue Moon. The institute plans to market the lowest interest rate loans in recent memory. Dr Voiyour has resigned from his position at the observatory to serve as the company's financial advisor. |
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