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news muse zine - compiled for alt. world scenario fans by INFOmaniac
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Flying pig caught on Island
by Phonkab Wheedles A brave farmer on the Isle of Wight has captured a wild air hog. Scientists admit this is the first specimen found alive, but are baffled as to how on earth this rough beast came to be. It all began quietly on the Island in April, during the lambing season, when local farmer Mr Taylor Flux-Attrill (48) became concerned about attacks on his sheep at Calamikin Farm, in Newtown. Suspecting a nocturnal predator was hunting in the area, he called upon the professional services of local gamekeeper Mr Sid "Tiptoe" Winterbotham (39). Earlier reports about a "large bird-like creature," occasionally spotted flying over this rural area were attributed to UFO activity at first, but these sightings proved to be false and the deadly hits on farm livestock continued. By the start of summer, farmer's wife Slimline Boadicea (36) suggested that a big cat - like Cornwall's famous beast of Bodmin - could be responsible for the dead sheep, and so Flux-Attrill and Winterbotham camped out, with their rifles, in the grazing meadow for several nights. Near dawn on Friday 17th, a large winged creature was seen swooping low over the nearby Bristly copse, and the farmer heard it making both grunting and screeching noises at the same time. When the 2 men approached the animal, it dived straight towards them "with a wicked chortle" and then, fearing for his life, the threatened gamekeeper fired his Winchester model 70 (calibre .375 Holland & Holland Magnum) at the beast, wounding it and bringing it down heavily, scant yards away. Mr Winterbotham (pictured, with his weird catch) claimed: "They thought it was a giant bat, but I shot down a winged boar!"
Flying mammals specialist Susan Lucidity (20), a student from Myscotopix's Chimera Studies group, dubbed the porcine specimen "Kurly," and the balloted scientific team promptly agreed upon this nickname once all eligible votes were cast. Upon hearing of the astonishing discovery, local villagers from Newtown and beyond declared an interest in adopting Kurly to be cared for by the community, thus protecting him - for the strange animal had by now been positively identified as a vigorously healthy (apart from that bullet hole in his left wing) male boar - from being dissected by the teams of mean-spirited or simply curious scientists, and a formal petition has since been launched at savekurly.com
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Sphinx hoax!
by Carl Meweezen El Giza, Egypt The world of archaeology was in uproar this week, again, following a dramatic press conference staged by renowned historian, Professor Calvin Wolpet, who formally yet proudly announced his discovery of the much vaunted "secret of the Sphinx."
New claims, that are the result of fiendishly clever studies by the professor's own research specialists; reveal that the head, especially, is a fairly recent addition to the giant sculpture. According to the team's brilliantly innovative ultrasound and thermal imaging techniques, "The front and rear parts were entirely separate works, created by vastly different civilisations." But, it seems these VR dating methods are not widely accepted by other scientists working in the field. An academic rival of Wolpet's has challenged the findings, and told this reporter, "The old man is after another Noble prize. This is all just a media campaign."
main artworks by Kerry Earl
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