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Between the lines: hidden text promises alien takeover
by Richard Bowden

It was only a move taken through archival whimsy, but a closer examination of the original American Declaration of Independence has uncovered some hidden, original, interpolations and additions which have thrown many constitutionalists into disarray, and threatens mass resignations at the Supreme Court.

Senior Archivist Dean Quaint, charged with preservation of the unique document had first noticed that all was not right when he took a closer look at the handiwork of his great American forefathers in June. "Normally we dust the paper down and check for foxing or any oxidisation," says Quaint, from his office in Washington DC. "It's a frail document, famous throughout the world and, because of its supreme importance, normally handled with kid gloves." Quaint was making his usual examination of the paper for decay or damage as required by longstanding articles of Congress when, for some reason, he decided to make further tests. "For years it's been photographed, quoted and referred to by countless men and women," says Quaint "but until I made a more extensive examination for the most rudimentary of hidden additions, the idea of what is, in effect, a 'secret declaration' had not occurred to anybody."

Quaint's initial, closer examination of the priceless document revealed some startling discrepancies. After measuring the mean distance between lines, it was obvious that more remained to be discovered. Between the lines of the visible, traditionally received text there was a second, previously unsuspected amount of wordage, written in contemporaneous invisible ink. After measuring the mean distance between lines, it was obvious that more remained to be discovered. A few tests proved a real eye opener. "It was as simple as lemon juice or a similar compound," says Quaint, hardly believing his own findings and waiting, like the rest of the nation for confirmation from a separate government laboratory.
Declaration signed Declaration final Jefferson's letter
Comparisons between a draft version [right], the signed document [top, left], and its printed form [above, centre] of the Declaration, along with contents of a letter [above, right] Jefferson wrote, shortly before he died, about benefits of self-government, have surprised US historians and forensic scientists. Declaration draft
Thomas Jefferson's secret interpolations are bizarrely startling, and refer to an alarming vision in which he encountered a "bright craft" from "a heavenly place," with what appear to be revelations given to him about a futuristic society on another planet. Most crucially, Jefferson's experience, during which he implies an abduction and indoctrination by the alien visitors, led him to promise the "binding over" of the country to these "astral masters", upon their return "early in the next millennium." Jefferson's pledge of the fledgling American state to extraterrestrials remains to be honoured, and unless constitutional steps are made in the very near future preparations are obligatory upon the Federal authorities.

The notion of further text, readable but subtly hidden between the lines of the existing Jefferson-drafted prose, will have profound effects, as it is the rock upon which the Constitution is built upon and, de facto, the heart of the American legal system. Changes to the original terms of Independence, a document ratified by the people down the years although ignorant of its full extent, will be the law of the nation automatically. Watch this space.
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    Evil hands
    by Gene Ray Leigh

         		beware of techno-fingers
    Reports concerning an as-yet unidentified "computer virus," which attacks the cybernetic interface in prosthetic limbs, are increasing in both number and severity.
    picture by Jason Chapman
    Each day, yet more American cyborgs are suffering with the 'distress' caused by "rebellious, clutching hands" or "aggressively kicking legs" in an inexplicable techno fault analogous to the psycho-pathological condition widely known as "Strangelove syndrome" (a rare disorder most prominent among film students and cinephiles overly impressed by Stanley Kubrick's A-bomb satire of 1963) which afflicts its victims with the "curse" of an uncontrollable "anarchic hand" - although, observers have noted, a black glove is optional.

    While top computer scientists, US medical research teams and software trouble-shooters study a growing body of anecdotal evidence, shares crashed on the cyber stock market, and the major electronic components manufacturer Digitonix is the 1st corporate casualty of what may prove to be the biggest techno scandal since the theft of 2 US nuclear warheads in the famous "Broken Arrow" debacle of 1996.

    In a seemingly frivolous legal twist to this cybernetic distress story, mega-corp matriarch Dame Margi Clarkson, the CEO of InterOptics (Digitonix's main US rival in the rapidly expanding prosthetic eye market), has filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against an office cleaner named Carlos Santos. She claims that, while working late one night, the aforementioned man assaulted her in an elevator.

    Both outsider financial execs and IO company insiders have noted that Santos lost a hand in a bizarre gardening accident, and the doctors who saved his life opted for cyber-surgery using Digitonix control mechanisms. Now, in addition to pressing charges against still partially disabled flexitime wage slave Santos, the highly formidable Ms Clarkson is suing Digitonix execs for further damages, claiming "personal injury" due to cyber product-testing negligence.

    Defence attorney Barton Jay Sprinkling, acting for Digit Labs (the wholly owned subsidiary of Digitonix), commented wryly that "This is a simple case of bottom-pinching. Clarkson has nothing. There's no evidence that DL bionics are defective and likely to cause harm to others just because of a minor malfunction in the control circuitry. She's being overly vindictive just to smear the already beleaguered parent company Digitonix."

    main artwork by Jason Chapman
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