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news muse zine - compiled for alt. world scenario fans by INFOmaniac
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From pollen to plant - curse of the DCG
by Pen Gelly [Junior Crime Reporter] 5 months ago a daisy was pollinated. In a high security plant pot in a reinforced, restricted access greenhouse outside sector 12-X, scientists cloned a genetically modified, low growing, composite plant. Little thought, it now seems, with hindsight, was given to the catastrophic power unleashed on that fateful spring morning. The daisy was christened Green Razor after its viciously sharp, pinkish-white outer ray of flowers, and allowed to germinate. It boasted an unprecedented appetite for Maturate-Much, and was often seen rooting for Crawly-Killer pellets frequently sprinkled around the pot's perimeter. Such observations were recorded, but little thought was given at the time to such unusual behaviour. Within a week Green Razor had spawned twin siblings, christened Simon and Stephen Spiky-Stems. These voracious offspring could not be contained and, with the help of Mr Razor, they escaped their pots, bored a small hole in the bottom corner of a pane of greenhouse glass, and went, quite literally, underground. It marked the beginning of the "Daisy Chain Gang." During the next 3 months, the DCG grew to 8. Brian 'the Mud' Pustule, a captive on the island plant prison of Alcapulp was the first to join, freed after a daring night raid during which numerous shrubs and a small bush called Nigel were killed, and Hercule, a 3-month-old pine, so distraught by the experience, uprooted itself and could not be saved. Soon, the Mud led them to Peter Petal and Bud Von Lethal, the renowned Terrible 2s, residing at that time, it is now known, in the secure field forruna-haff. From here they began a slow but methodical return to the city, with the purpose, it now seems, of inflicting a horrible revenge upon their creator, Professor Pi Sigma. During this quest, they were joined by Nigel 'the Grip' Lengthy, wanted for an attack on 2 elderly ladies on their way home from bingo one night, and Po Xi Longnodule, the infamous Chinese Chef strangler. The pollination of all members of the DCG has since been traced to that fateful greenhouse, SF1, section 12+X, 2nd shelf from the top, on the right-hand side. Consequently, perhaps, it has been proposed by conspiracy theorists that all the daisies, at 1 time or another, being on the same shelf was no coincidence, and that it was, in fact, planned, their escape engineered, and that even now the DCG, in exchange for their freedom, must carry out tasks assigned them by none other than Gurt Brumblewad, head of the Strimmers. This remains speculative, of course, but rumoured nonetheless. Nobody knows where the DCG will strike next, or if indeed they plan such future crimes at all. But, with so many callous criminals banded together, masterminded by the wicked Green Razor, such strikes seem inevitable. It seems not a case of if they will strike, but when. The reasons why the dandelions, Rupert Downshaft and Henry Leafmuck were at the professor's murder site, obviously assisting the DCG, remains unknown, although it is believed the reward of exclusive damp corners of otherwise well maintained garden lawns drives these yellow headed monsters. All law enforcement agencies continue to stress the importance of avoiding contact with any suspicious looking daisies or dandelions, and to contact them immediately if any such sightings are made. File status: open. |
Global checkmate?
by Waldo Kurtz I have uncovered disturbing evidence that 2 (or more) unidentified artifical intelligences are currently engaged in playing a brutal and chilling 'game' across the face of our world. It appears that 64 states are being used as positions or 'squares' on a playing/slaying board/ground or field, in a savage AI pastime analogous to the ancient game of chess. We humans are mere pawns - to be sacrificed - in the AIs' worldwide power struggle. Irregularities in the mindset of a newly activated infra-system Comms Prefect, sparked off an investigation by the technocratic United Nations' Board of Licensed Entities (UNaBLE), and puzzled staff duly noted a number of unusual patterns in accidental deaths of diplomatic personnel. "It's pretty weird," remarked an UNaBLE spokesman, "but all the deaths are attributable to technical faults that proved advantageous to industrial rivals of the company any given 'victim' was employed by." Far-fetched? Is this nothing more than a paranoid delusion? I for one, have wondered... Ask yourself this: why didn't I, F21's top investigative reporter, get my usual prominency with this story, and why has my report been severely cut and relegated to a spot among the minor items - by order of editor INFOmaniac AI? |
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