Crop-circle mystery nears end
by Starette Quark
Farmland investigators accidentally stepped upon the solution to crop-circles that have appeared
throughout the North Miseration Territory. It is suspected a group of cattle missing from a
Federation night-vision base is responsible for the baffling geometric designs frequently appearing
in cornfields.
Investigator, Ron Coward, said, "It suddenly occurred to me that 1 thing
Meadow muffins are the excreted by-products of cattle digestive processes
- Webbers Almanac
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remained constant about all the areas we'd investigated. After each walk through, our team noticed
the bottoms of our boots were clumped with what appeared to be cow meadow muffins."
Coward noted, "Analysis of droppings and a thorough search of bovine databases narrowed down the
cows to 2 groups. Both have finely tuned night-vision, but further information was restricted by
Federation disclosure rulings." Animal activists suspect the crop designs were an attempt by the
herd to communicate with their barn caretakers at Area 57, a secured Federation facility known to
experiment in innovative night-fighting techniques.
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The Harrison family, managers of West End Farms, had been woken up when the herd accidentally tripped
motion detector lights on an outer building as they headed to the tree-lined 40-acre cornfield.
William Harrison said, "They mooed real loud. The wife and me worked our way out to the back
shed. We'd seen them creatures frozen stiff, like statues, in the light. They was squinting,
floundering around, banging into each other. I think the light was bothering their eyes."
Mildred Harrison added, "1 of 'em managed to break the lightbulbs with its horns and then the
herd took off. Me and Willie followed."
Several cows were seen rolling in a clockwise circle flattening stalks, others busily chewed finer
details and 2 large males expelled intestinal gas wilting large areas. Authorities have rounded up
the herd that waits for transport.
No further information is forthcoming. Locals have assumed a wait and see attitude, hoping this will
end baffling crop-circle speculations.
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After the early harvest at West End cornfields, FAX 21 suspect a Federation cover-up...
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Insp. Ron Coward, down on the farm.
FAX 21 obtained exclusive pictures of strange mutant cows on the ranpage.
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