Pretty sparrows
by Aptly Fitting
As you know, following the dismal fate of dodos and the passenger pigeon, the common Australian
budgerigar (classified as Melopsittacus undulates) became officially extinct in the early 1980s. The
extinction was caused by avian retrovirus ATLV-2 (harmless to mammals but incurably fatal to certain
domesticated birds - yet oddly, even miraculously, all breeds of parrots and parakeets survived),
which reached worldwide epidemic proportions in 1974, and upset the landladies of seaside boarding
houses when many 1,000s of beloved pets died in that year's summer heatwave.
Disease symptoms arising from ATLV-2 were not unlike Tourette's syndrome, and gave budgies acute
involuntary movements like tics - many birds were observed shrugging and then jerking
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from local Porthampton news-cam footage
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uncontrollably, until dropping off their perches. The avian disease also made budgies swear - often
repeating vague obscenities endlessly, and spit at both owners and visitors, and so the general
public were quickly discouraged from keeping them at home. Nicotine was found to provide partial
relief, but so few budgies could be persuaded to inhale tobacco, while non-smoker's patches proved
uncomfortable for these birds to wear (often resulting in badly ruffled feathers) so that even this
unprecedented treatment could not prevent the rapid decline in budgies' numbers, and this led
directly to their extinction.
picture courtesy Twitchers Anonymous
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Now, over 20 years later, birdwatchers are reporting sightings of wild budgies in English coastal
towns. These so-called "pretty sparrows" have been spotted recently in southern home
counties, and photographed by tourists in places such as Westbourne, Porthampton, Lime Regis, and
Fowlmouth.
Seaside tourist boards are reportedly delighted by this surprising news, and niche-market travel
agency Wings & Paws UK Ltd - specialising in economy weekend breaks for Britain's nature lovers
told FAX 21: "Sure, it's great that cute
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budgies are back! We're getting inquiries and bookings every day now for our birdwatchers' camping
holidays in areas where new sightings are reported."
However, when your reporter contacted the British Society for the Protection of Birds for comment, a
BSPB spokesman revealed the downside to the budgie sightings: "It will only encourage those
unscrupulous traders in rare animals to catch specimens and put them back in cages for private
collectors. There is also a danger that eggs could be stolen if the nests of these little birds are
discovered, which could threaten budgies' survival and existence, again. Their distinctive colouring
will make them easy to spot in the wild, you see."
An emergency meeting of the BSPB high committee has just been convened in Chesterleigh to examine all
the evidence and, it is hoped, declare that budgies are an endangered species again, and not extinct
after all.
[ Apologies to Howard Waldrop, author of The Ugly Chickens ]
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Lunar Jump game
by Quadra Nebulana
Martez Toys introduces a new board game, Lunar Jump, in an attempt to educate and entertain young
children while creating much needed social interactions between players.
A roll of the dice determines the height/depth of craters to be traversed. A 2nd roll, doubled, then
reduced to its square root and expanded to its cube determines the maximum height the space character
can jump. Unused heights can be accumulated to aid in clever unsuspected encounters with lunar
creatures that appear in holographic form with abilities to bite, pinch and render electrical
shocks.
Although Lunar Jump is simplistic, it provides an alternative to the overwhelming glut of solitary
videogames and VR software slowly withdrawing children from social contact. "Antisocial
behaviour and a lack of communication skills are rearing ugly heads in cyber classrooms,"
states, Marsha Fields, president of the Educational Resources Committee.
Martez Toys plans to introduce other educational, interactive games: Operation - freeze-dried
cadavers with a variety of sub-culture creatures: card games, such as Strip Poker: Marquis De Sade
Bingo, and a new fine arts game - Whose Ear Is This?
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